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in fact it never was in fact it never was

ashley | 28 | lesbian

geryone
[ID: Certain sins can be beautiful. I’m thinking / of greed, this hungry want of you, of every foot of dirt.]ALT

Dig, Bryan Borland

saintbronte: “Hole Theory, Thomasin Frances (15/10/2022) ”
saintbronte

Hole Theory, Thomasin Frances (15/10/2022)

does that make him a lover or a knife
quotespile
“Daddy thinks history starts fresh every day, every minute, that time itself begins with the feelings he’s having right now. That’s how he keeps betraying us, why he roars at us with such conviction.”

— Jane Smiley, A Thousand Acres

keeps betraying us!
metamorphesque
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― Virginia Woolf, A Writer’s Diary

[ text ID: Yes, I deserve a spring–I owe nobody nothing. ]

geryone
[ID: worship grants me a long-enough leash]ALT

a body more tolerable, jaye simpson

atreides
“I drink to our ruined house To the evil of my life To our loneliness together And I drink to you— To the lying lips that have betrayed us, To the dead-cold eyes, To the fact that the world is brutal and coarse To the fact that God did not save us.”

— Anna Akhmatova, Last Toast, trans. by Kate Farris and Ilya Kaminsky

thinking about this specific translationwhewfav
weltenwellen
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Natalie Díaz, from “Wolf OR-7”, Postcolonial Love Poem

feral-ballad
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Joy Sullivan, from Instructions for Traveling West: Poems; “Howl”

boykeats

[ID: poem text reading,

“I am finally a woman
willing to feed herself—light, bread, joy. Sometimes,
you don’t know that you’re starving until you’ve had
a proper meal. That’s when your heart really begins
to howl—when it learns what it’s been missing.”

/end ID.]

havingapoemwithyou
SELF-PORTRAIT AGAINST RED WALLPAPER Close the blinds and kill the birds, I surrender my desire for a logical culmination. I surrender my desire to be healed. The blurriness of being alive. Take it or leave it, and for the most part you take it. Not just the idea of it but the ramifications of it. People love to hate themselves, avoiding the necessary recalibrations. Shame comes from vanity. Shame means you’re guilty, like the rest of us, but you think you’re better than we are. Maybe you are. What would a better me paint? There is no new me, there is no old me, there’s just me, the same me, the whole time. Vanity, vanity, forcing your will on the world. Don’t try to make a stronger wind, you’ll wear yourself out. Build a better sail. You want to solve something? Get out of your own way. What’s the difference between me and the world? Compartmentalization. The world doesn’t know what to do with my love. Because it isn’t used to being loved. It’s a framework problem. Disheartening? Obviously. I hope it’s love. I’m trying really hard to make it love. I said no more severity. I said it severely and slept through all my appointments. I clawed my way into the light but the light is just as scary.ALT
I’d rather quit. I’d rather be sad. It’s too much work. Admirable? Not really. I hate my friends. And when I hate my friends I’ve failed myself, failed to share my compassion. I shine a light on them of my own making: septic, ugly, the wrong yellow. I mean, maybe it’s better if my opponent wins.ALT

self-portrait against red wallpaper by Richard Siken

wrsrichard sikeni surrender my desire for a logical culmination
lifeinpoetry

I want to be maintained on a

table, remembered at my starchest & most
angry, shrined against a wall,

vilified well.
amen.

— Maya Salameh, from “LARYNX,” How to Make an Algorithm in the Microwave

amen
ashstfu
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i feel totally normal about this and the scope of my desire is completely average

antigonies
“God, God, what do I do / after all this survival?”

— Traci Brimhall, from “Vive, Vive,” published in The Missouri Review 

geryone
[ID: if you hold me / by my softer parts I'll still try to slice / open your palm even when / you love me right I thrash]ALT

What Good Is Heaven, Raye Hendrix

even when you love me right i thrashfor titles
weltenwellen: “weltenwellen: “Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934 ” Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma ”
weltenwellen

Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934

weltenwellen
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Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma

cottaegecore
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